Caring
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry discovers that his least favorite toy, Carlos the Caring Clown, is getting his own theme park. And if that weren't bad enough, Carlos's creator intends to use all of Danville for its location, and Perry must stop him before he recreates Danville in his own clownish image. (NOTE: SOME THINGS MAY NOT MAKE SENSE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE OTHER STORIES IN MY SERIES)
1. Chapter 1

Phineas ran around the house. "I AM FREE! AT LAST! FREEDOM!"

Ferb and Perry sat watching him. Perry was happy Phineas had gotten the cast off of his knee, but now Phineas had to release all of that energy that he'd built up ever since his knee was broken.

"He's like one of those windup toys." Perry said, watching Phineas do his fourth lap.

"That never stops." Ferb added.

"You know what this means, Ferb?" Phineas skidded to a stop. "We can build stuff again!"

Ferb pumped his fist into the air.

"WOOHOO! Let's dance!" Phineas said.

The two boys started dancing.

Candace entered the room. "Would you keep it down? I am trying to tell Stacy about the time that Jeremy looked at me!"

"Sounds very interesting." Perry said sarcastically. He loved the fact that Candace couldn't understand him.

"We're partying, Candace. We have to be loud." Phineas said.

"Well, party SOME OTHER TIME."

"I can't help it! I need to jump! And run! And get outside. I can FINALLY sit under the tree again!" Phineas ran directly into the screen door.

"It's closed." Ferb said.

"I figured that out." Phineas rubbed his nose and shoved the door open.

* * *

When Perry arrived at his lair, there was a sheet of paper taped on the door.

He peeled it down and looked at it. On the front was a picture of a fellow agent, Devon the dog, making a thumbs-up sign and grinning so that all of his pointy teeth showed.

DEVON, THE MUSICAL! Said the paper. AUDITION TODAY!

"Isn't it awesome?" Devon asked, popping up behind Perry. "Monogram had trouble thinking up a musical to show this year, so I offered to write it!"

"Why was this on my door?" Perry demanded.

"It's advertising. If no one knows about it, no one will audition."

"No one will audition anyway. I'll rephrase it. Why was this on my door?"

"Someone's in a mood today."

Perry crumpled up the paper and threw it at Devon's face. It bounced off his nose and landed on the floor. He bent to pick it up.

"Can I put it on the wall NEXT to your door?"

"Yes. But not ON my door. Or I will destroy you."

"Why are you so… um… angry today?"

Perry sighed. "On television. Yesterday. Nothing but the stupid Carlos the caring clown movie! Showing on all channels!"

"Oh. Scary. Will you be in my musical? Please?"

"What? Dev, I don't want to be up on some stage belting out tunes…"

"But you have such an awesome singing voice! Remember when you were in that musical when you were two? You sang 'My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean'."

"Yeah, but I didn't hear the words right during rehearsals. And no one noticed until the actual production, when I sang 'My Body Lies Over The Ocean'."

"Oh man!" Devon started to laugh. "I remember that! Man, you were so cute. Singing 'My body lies over the sea, my body lies over the ocean, oh bring back my body to me' with the deepest sincerity like nothing was wrong."

"I remember that too!" Said Alan the alligator from across the room. He was sitting with his computer. "I actually have a video recording of that on my laptop!"

"Can I see?" Asked Peter the panda, peeking around his shoulder.

"EVERYONE can!" Alan said.

Perry hid his face. "Great. Everybody's gonna be talking about the Body song again."

"Anyway, will you be in it?" Devon asked. He smoothed out his flyer and held it up.

"Devon, NO. I always ruin stage productions!"

Devon frowned.

"Fine. But NO singing part. And I don't want to say more than one line."

Devon brightened. "You can say 'The End' at the end of the show!"

"Okay."

Suddenly they heard sound coming from Alan's computer.

"My body lies over the ocean, my body lies over the sea…"

Perry groaned.

Peter and a few other agents were laughing.

"Wasn't he adorable? Look at his face! He looks so into it!" Alan said.

"I'll see you later." Perry went through the door to his lair.

* * *

"Nothing, Perry the platypus. Nothing but the stupid clowns, clowns, clowns!" Doofenshmirtz threw his remote at the televison.

Perry was trapped inside a pet carrier.

"I would have given you a more creative trap," Doofenshmirtz said. "But I just couldn't be bothered today. All day and all night, the TV companies have been broadcasting this stupid Carlos the caring clown movie! It's almost as if he's watching us… ready to take control of us…"

Doofenshmirtz was actually making sense. Maybe the end of the world was near.

"And I created THIS! The Carlosmoviedestructinator! With this, I will destroy the Carlos movie! It will be destroyed in all of the televisions and stores!"

Perry decided to take a nap. Usually he wouldn't let an evil scheme slide, but this was for the good of humanity.

He lay down and closed his eyes.

"Perry the platypus, are you asleep? Am I boring you? I can TRY to come up with some Carlos-related backstory, but, you know, it was only a few years ago that he came out… I'm not sure that REALLY qualifies as a backstory if it's only been a few YEARS."

Perry started to snore.

"I'm activatiingggg my inatttooorrr…"

Perry didn't say anything.

"Come on, Perry the platypus. You're not even going to TRY to escape? Not even a little picking at the lock? Not even a little file on the bars?"

Perry pulled out a nail file.

"Not really the kind of file I was thinking of, but I guess you could KIND of get out with that." Doofenshmirtz turned back to his inator.

Perry rubbed the file against his claws.

"AND NOW, NO MORE CARLOS MOVIES!" Doofenshmirtz pushed the button on his inator.

It caused a blue light to fill the area for a moment, and then it faded.

"They're all gone, Perry the platypus! All gone! And there's not a thing you can do about it!"

Perry nodded. He blew on his claws and returned his file to his fur pocket.

* * *

When Perry returned home, there was a note on the front door.

GET READY FOR THE CARING AND SHARING TO BE SPREAD ACROSS THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA! CARLOSLAND IS BEING BUILT AS YOU READ! THE NEW THEME PARK DEDICATED ENTIRELY TO THE CARING CLOWN WE ALL LOVE!

"Great. Carlosland." Perry muttered. He turned the paper over and looked at the back.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, SEE MR. JUMPY JACOBS! ADDRESS BELOW.

* * *

Perry stormed into Carlos Headquarters, squeezing the Carlosland flyer in his fist.

"What is this?" He demanded, slamming a paper down on the desk of Jumpy Jacobs.

Jumpy looked at him. "Hm? I don't speak… duck. Would you mind…"  
Perry sighed. He reached into his fur pocket and pulled out Piggy Woo, his universal translator. He stuck it on his back teeth. "I'm a PLATYPUS. And WHAT is this junk about CARLOSLAND?"

Jumpy smiled. "Ah. Carlosland. One of my greatest ideas ever. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is John "Jumpy" Jacobs. I one day realized the best way to help children was to give them a positive role model they could look up to." He held up a Carlos doll.

The fur on Perry's neck stood up. "Get that vile thing away from me."

"Vile? Why, Carlos is far from vile, my duckling friend. He is the answer to the hardest questions in life. Watch. Carlos, how should we treat our friends?" He squeezed the toy.

"Always treat your friends with care and respect!"

Perry grabbed Carlos away from him. "Carlos, what's the meaning of life?"

"Caring and sharing are so much fun!" Carlos said.

"Yeah. He's chock-full of knowledge." Perry tossed Carlos back to Jumpy.

"Anyway, this clown has been helping children everywhere grow up kind and happy for years." Jumpy said. "And that is why I have decided to build Carlosland. Unofficially, of course."

"Wait…" Perry said. "You don't mean…"  
"Yes. I'm building a theme park without permission. And, with all the cash I make from it, I'll be able to buy Danville! And then I will rebuild the whole tri-state area into Carlosland!"

"You can't-"

"I can, Duckling, and you're in way over your head if you try to cross me. If you want to help fund my project, however, perhaps I can make your house one of the main attractions. The heart of Carlosland!"

"This is a nightmare." Perry muttered. "A nightmare."

"That's your choice." Jumpy said. "No one can do anything about my little plan. So you may as well get used to it."  
"Listen. I've destroyed that Carlos toy of yours TONS of times." Perry hissed. "I'm pretty confident I'll be able to destroy a whole land of him. And I will NOT let you win."

He yanked Piggy Woo out of his mouth and stuffed it in his fur pocket. He hated using that thing, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"I am sooooo scared." Jumpy smiled wickedly. "Celia, get him out of here."

A woman grabbed Perry by the scruff of the neck and tossed him out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where's mom and dad?" Perry asked Pablo.

He had landed in the platypus enclosure in the Danville zoo. Pablo appeared to be the only platypus that wasn't inside of the tiny cave that was used for sleeping.

Pablo stared at him blankly. "Who is mom and dad? Are they pancakies? Or marshiemallows?"

Perry sighed. "Pansy? Percy? Those guys? I need to talk to them."  
"Oh. Okay." Pablo turned to face the cave and chattered meaninglessly.

Pansy came running out of the cave. "Hello! You have come again."

Percy was following her. "I kept TELLING you he'd come back, Pansy. Why don't you ever believe me?"

"Because my magical egg platypus is always having to attack mean things." Pansy said.

"Right." Percy rolled his eyes. "Hello, Perry. Is there a reason for your visit?"

"Well, yes and… no. I mean, it doesn't really concern ALL of you. I would have called, but I…"

"It is because of me?" Pansy asked.

"Not really. It's because… I kind of need da- I mean, Percy's help."

Percy gazed at him. "If it's agency help, I must decline. I don't feel comfortable around Monogram. And I don't think he trusts me, anyway."

"There's this guy. He's trying to rebuild all of Danville into a theme park about a caring clown. I can't let him do that, but I don't know how to-"

"Does this caring clown happen to be named Carlos?" Percy asked.

"How do you know about him?"

Percy shook his head. "His creator has been sending free toys to the zoo, so long as the zoo sponsors some 'project' of his. Pablo and Paige have been tearing them in half, but the zookeepers always replace them."

Pablo growled. "Scary clown. I hate the clown."

"The project is probably his theme park." Perry said. "He's building it without permission."

Percy rolled his eyes. "I can't think of anyone who would GIVE permission for a guy to rebuild three whole areas into a stupid clown park."

Perry nodded.

"Sorry. I'm afraid I didn't really learn manners from the rogues." Percy smiled a little. "I will help any way I can. And I'm sure your siblings will, too."

"They can't fight."

"They can't fight, but I swear, put anything Carlos in front of them and it's history."

"I want to destroy the annoying clown too." Pansy insisted.

Perry shook his head. "Look, I'm getting more help than just you guys. I don't need to suck all of you into this."

"The bigger your army, the more chance you have of winning." Percy said. "Someone trying to take over an entire living area? That's serious business. We'll help any way we can."

"I eat clowns for breakiefast." Pablo said.

"Just call us when you need us." Percy said. "We never do anything important around here, anyway."

"Thanks."

* * *

Perry walked into the audition room of the O.W.C.A. Devon was sitting in a chair near the stage.

Darren was onstage, singing a Tiny Cowboy song and break-dancing at the same time.

Perry sat down next to Devon. "Anyone any good yet?"

Devon shook his head. "Nah. You should audition!"

"I am NOT SINGING."  
"Fine, you'll just do the 'The End' thing. But you have a really good voice."

"So does Monogram. Make him audition."

"Thank you, Darren, I'll think about it." Devon called to Darren. "NEXT!"

Darren left the stage, and Peter came on. He began doing the Charleston dance.

"Next!" Devon said.

"Heard ya needed some help fighting a clown." A Brooklyn-accented voice said from behind them.

Perry turned and was instantly ambushed. "Lil' bro!" Larry squeezed him. "I haven't seen you since… well… I don't know. It's been too long! How are ya?"

"Lacking… oxygen…"

"Whoops." Larry released his hold on Perry. "Dad called me and said to keep an eye on you. Said you thought a clown was taking over the tri-state area."

"A clown IS taking over the tri-state area!"

"Mm hmm. And how long have you had this delusion?"  
Perry rolled his eyes.

"I'm messing with ya, bro! I know all about this Jumpy guy. He sponsors my favorite shows. Ten straight hours of Carlos commercials after each blackout." Larry made a gagging motion.

"Who's this?" Devon asked.

"My twin brother." Perry said. "Larry, meet Devon. Devon, this is Larry."

Larry rapidly shook Devon's paw. "Pleased to make your whatevertheycallit!"

"Twin? I thought platypuses hatched from eggs." Devon said.

"We hatched from the same egg." Perry explained.

"Well, you look similar, but I can certainly tell you two apart." Devon shrugged.

"Are you even watching me?" Bernie the bear demanded from onstage.

"Oops. Sorry, Bernie!" Devon turned his attention back to the stage. "Would you mind, uh, doing whatever you just did again?"

"We're preparing for Clown War." Larry said. "Dad's calling up all of our relatives. So far, the only one he could find was Uncle Dan. He's sending over our cousin to help when the time comes."

"I didn't mean to put everyone on alert mode." Perry rubbed his face. "I was just asking dad for help. That was all."

"You know dad. He goes all out to do something for you. Ever since he nearly killed you, and nearly killed you again, and nearly killed you again, and then nearly got you killed when you tried to keep him from getting killed…"  
"Larry. You're making me dizzy."

"Sorry. But all I can say is, be GLAD he feels he needs to repay you! We may need all of the help we can get." He lowered his voice. "I heard Jumpy nearly destroyed a city once when he was in his teens."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Crazy guy. So, I was thinking: We're gonna have our whole family helping us out, I may get a few of my friends… why don't you ask some of your agent buddies to help out?"

"This is insane. Look, Lare, I'll call you when I need help. I'll call dad when I need help. But we don't have to prepare for an all-out war, okay?"

Larry looked disappointed. "I have my own cannon and everything."

"Just go back home. I promise I'll call. And tell dad I have MORE than enough help, okay?"

"You're kicking out your own brother. How curt. Just remember, I was the one who gave you that blade of grass when you looked hungry!"

"I don't remember."

"Why should you? You weren't even an hour old back then. You were all furless and slimy…" Larry's phone rang. He picked it up. "Yeah? Sure. Whatever. Nah, I'll do it. 'Kay. Bye." He hung up. "I gotta go. That was my agent. I'm in a new movie."

"That's awesome!"

"I guess. Well, see ya later!" Larry pulled on his jetpack and blasted through the ceiling.

* * *

Perry returned home to a strange sight.

Phineas had put a lampshade on his head like a hat, and was dancing in the middle of the living room to "The Wheels On The Bus".

Ferb was sitting watching him. "He's finally lost it." He told Perry. "He told me he can do anything now that his knee is all good, so he stuck the lamp on his head… and he's been doing this for three hours."

"Is that some kind of interpretive dance?" Perry asked. "Or is he just doing that hula motion for no reason?"

"I have no idea."  
They watched him a while longer.

"It's kind of mesmerizing." Perry said.

Ferb nodded.

The song changed to "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes". Phineas started to spin in a circle, laughing.

"At least he's happy." Ferb said.

"He's gone delusional. If a psychiatrist walks in here, he's gonna drag Phineas back to his office."  
"With the lampshade still on his head."

"Exactly."  
The song finally ended, and Phineas took the lampshade off of his head. He sat down next to Perry. "Hey, boy! When did you get back?"

"Phineas, if you ever do that again, next time don't make it look like you've turned your brain off. It frightens me."

"Sorry." Phineas blushed. "You guys were watching that?"

"You didn't notice me sitting right here?" Ferb asked.

Phineas shook his head. "I'm just so happy these days. I'd never broken a bone before, and now it's like I'm free from something I'd never knew I could be trapped by."  
Perry hugged him. "I know that feeling."

"A platypus came to the door today." Phineas said. "She was looking for you."

"What did she look like?"

"You. But she had blue eyes."

Perry sighed. "My sister. I told my dad I MIGHT need help with one little thing, and he sends an entire army of family to me. It's nice to see them sometimes, but I don't want to see ALL of them in one day." He leaned against Phineas's shoulder. "Besides, I already have a family."  
"Us." Phineas said, wrapping his arm around Perry. Ferb patted him on the head.

A noise like a knock sounded outside the door. Ferb got up and answered it.

"Who is it?" Perry asked.

"I think some more family." Ferb said.

Perry growled. He got up and walked over to the door.

Two little platypuses were standing on the doorstep with a basket in front of them.

"Hewo." One of them said.

"How are you related to me? I've never seen you before." Perry said.

The other platypus cocked his head in confusion. "I no see you eidder. But now I has."  
"Would you like to buy our cookilies?" Asked one.

"What is this, Platypus Scouts? Nah. I need to watch my weight."  
"We bakeded them ouwselves." Said the other one. "We taked mud and put it in the basket. But the cookilies meltied together."  
"I am a week owd." One of the platypuses spun in a circle.

"Paisley! Peppily! Get back here!" Shouted a familiar voice.

"Palmer?" Perry asked. "What are you doing here?"

Perry's son smiled at him. "Watching Paisley and Peppily."

"You're babysitting already?"

"Noooooo. They're my brothers."

"Pal, quit joking around."

"They ARE!"

"Adopted?"

"No, they hatched last week. Didn't mom tell you?"  
Phineas came over to the door. "Aww. They're so cute. Are they yours?"

"I have no idea. No one ever tells me." Perry sat down on the floor, rubbing his head.

"Are you okay?" Palmer asked.

"I'm fine. Just… slightly dizzy. Trying to process this."  
"I leave you three alone for five minutes, and you go to a random stranger's house…" Poppy came up behind Paisley and Peppily.

"We were selling cookilies." One of the babies said innocently.

Poppy met Perry's gaze. "Oh… hi…"

"You didn't tell me." Perry said coldly.

Poppy looked away.

"Get off my porch."

"I'm sorry, I meant to…" Poppy began. "I… I have to get these guys back home. Pamela's all alone. Paisley, pick up that basket. Perry, I'll explain later…"

"Don't bother." Perry slammed the door and stormed back to the couch.

"Guess they didn't want to buy any cookilies." Said a muffled voice from outside the door.

"Perry, are you okay?" Phineas asked.

"Yeah. I'm great. Fantastic. I just need to decide whether to faint or to destroy everything in my path."


	3. Chapter 3

"I swear, I had every intention of telling you. I just wanted to wait a while. You were so furious when you found out about Pamela… and then when you found out Palmer was your son, you freaked out…" Poppy shook her head. "I was going to tell you when things calmed down…"

"Right. When exactly did you plan that to be?" Perry demanded.

Poppy didn't say anything.

"Yeah, I do get a little freaked out when I find out." Perry said. "But do you blame me? I didn't plan any of this. I didn't plan to have four housewreckers."  
"Paisley and Peppily aren't doing any damage so far." Poppy said quietly.

"Four's too many."  
"I don't plan to have them. But when I do, I'm happy. I'm sorry you can't feel the same way."

"I have the right to KNOW when I'm a father. Again. So you laid two eggs this time?"

"No. Only one. They're twins."

"Great. Twin Palmers."

"They're not ALL the same, Perry."

"Whatever."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell you next time."

"NEXT time?" Perry backed away. "Let's not assume there's gonna be a next time. I'm done. Done."

Poppy nodded. "I get the feeling you're still mad."

"I am still mad. I need some time to cool down before I talk to you again."

"I said I was sorry."

"Good for you. I'm done. I can't keep having more kids I can't take care of. It's not fair to you OR me. I just wish you'd told me. That's all. So... Paisley and Peppily, huh?"

"Do you want to see them?" Poppy asked.

Perry nodded.

"Come on in." Poppy said.

* * *

When Perry got home, Phineas was standing in the backyard with his friends.

"Okay, you win!" Baljeet was saying. "We believe you! You were the FIRST one to see Phineas and Ferb build a merry-go-round!"

"I'm not finished!" Irving responded. "At precisely ten o' clock A.M, Phineas used his right hand to open his yellow notebook. He flipped to the third page and wrote for a total of three point two seconds. Then he exhaled before closing it with his left hand and…"

"Dude! Irving! Stop!" Phineas waved his hands in the air. "I REALLY don't need to hear every single thing I did since I got up this morning."

"Okay." Irving flipped back in his book about Phineas and Ferb. "Would you like to hear every single thing you did last night instead? You were asleep for most of it, but no matter, I recorded each time you changed positions and your breathing patterns."

Phineas looked slightly worried. "Irving… you're really kind of starting to freak me out."

He brightened up when he saw Perry. "Oh, there you are, Perry. A letter came in the mail for you today."

"A letter for Perry?" Isabella asked. "What the heck?"

"Who would send your platypus a letter?" Baljeet asked.

"Maybe Dinner Bell is hiding something." Buford said. "Maybe his platypus isn't really mindless after all."  
"Woah, guys. I was just kidding." Phineas laughed nervously.

"I gotta go." Buford said. "I have to be home by six."  
"I guess I had better go, too." Isabella said.

It was only a matter of seconds before the backyard only held Phineas, Ferb and Perry.

"Here you are." Phineas pulled a letter out of his pocket and handed it to Perry. "It's from some guy named John Jacobs."  
Perry tore open the envelope. Inside was a piece of stationary with pictures of clowns printed on it.

_DEAR SIR,_

_YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED TO JOIN THE CARLOS THE CARING CLOWN FANCLUB! PERKS INCLUDE UPDATES ON WHEN CARLOS-RELATED EVENTS ARE HAPPENING, FREE EXCLUSIVE CARLOS MERCHANDISE, AND YOUR NAME WILL BE PRINTED ON THE CARLOS WALL, WHICH WILL BE A PART OF CARLOSLAND! PLEASE FILL OUT THE ATTACHED FORM TO APPLY FOR THE FANCLUB._

_CARINGLY YOURS, JOHN "JUMPY" JACOBS_

"The nerve!" Perry shouted. "He has the NERVE to send me this!" He glanced at the attached form. "Name. Occupation. Phone number. Work phone number. Cell phone number. Home phone number. What, is he gonna be calling me all day?"  
"What are you talking about?" Phineas tried to look over Perry's shoulder.

"Vacation phone number, day phone number, night phone number… what the heck? Who has two separate phones for day and night? 'Oh, sorry Delores, the clock just chimed twelve. It's night now. I have to hang up. Call me back on my night phone, will ya?' And what happens if you accidentally answer the DAY phone at night? Do the NIGHTTIME police come and arrest you?"

Phineas wrenched the paper out of Perry's hand. "Carlosland? Where's Carlosland?"

Perry shook his head. "You don't want to know."

"I saw Carlosland." Ferb said. "It's being built in Danville park. There's already a huge Carlos statue there."

"WHAT?" Perry jumped over the fence. "Excuse me. I gotta get to the park."

* * *

The Carlos statue in Danville park was huge. It gave out a random announcements as Perry walked by.

"You're such a good friend!" The Carlos statue told him.

Perry responded with a rather colorful sentence.

Jumpy was talking to two construction workers by an arch that said ENTRANCE TO CARLOSLAND on it.

Perry stormed over to him and pulled on his pant leg.

Jumpy turned around and grinned. "Well, hello there, Duckling! Did you get my letter?"

Perry slammed his tail against the ground.

"What do you think?" Jumpy spread his arms out. "Soon the park will be Carlos-ified! It will be a wonderful land of caring and sharing!"

"I'll have a funeral for it." Perry muttered.

"That's an odd little noise." Jumpy commented. "I always thought ducks quacked. Oh well. I suppose I'll see you later. I'm awfully busy." He walked away.

"I hate that man." Perry clenched his fists.

"Petie." Said a voice behind him.

Perry slowly turned around and nearly choked from fear. A giant hippopotamus was behind him.

"My name is Petie." The hippo roared. "And I am a very special hippo. Do you know why? Because I am not just a hippo. I am Petie the hippo."

"Very nice." Perry began slowly backing away. "And… so, Petie… what brings you here?"

"Nice animal children." Petie said. "Nice children let me out of the zoo many, many years ago. Then I let them out of a big metal building. And so I have been wandering and wandering until I came here. The clown is evil. I hate the clown."

"You're a lot smarter than most hippos." Perry said.

"Of course. I am PETIE the hippo." Petie began to eat a flower.

Perry went back to look at the Carlos statue.

"When you first meet someone, you should shake their hand and say hello!" The Carlos statue said.

"I know that." Perry pulled out a small raygun Monogram had warned him never to use unless he had no other option. "And you always say goodbye when that meeting is over. Goodbye, Carlos."  
He fired. The statue's head exploded, and the rest began to melt, sizzling into a puddle.

"No!" Jumpy screamed, running over. "My statue! Oh, my Carlos! My beautiful Carlos statue!" He glared at Perry with burning hate in his eyes. "I warned you not to cross me, Duckling. You'd better prepare, because I don't go easy on people."

"Neither do I." Perry responded.

"What on earth does that mean?" Jumpy snapped. He tried to imitate Perry's noise.

Perry translated the noise as "My shoes are green and elephant."

Perry smiled.

"Why are you smiling?" Jumpy shouted. "You think this is some stupid joke? It's no joke, Duckling. Nothing's a joke when it comes to Carlos!"

Perry rolled his eyes. He turned and strode away.

"That's all?" Jumpy snarled. "Come back and fight, you wimp!"

"My fight is not with you. It is with Carlos." Perry said.

Something hit him in the back. Perry turned around.

Jumpy had thrown a pencil at him.

Perry fumed. But before he could do anything, Petie the hippo had already started to chase Jumpy off.

"BAD MAN! YOU HIT THE NICE ANIMAL!" Petie roared. "I, PETIE, WILL DEFEND MY FRIENDS!"

Perry closed his eyes. Could this day possibly get any weirder?

* * *

Perry was thinking about his next move against Carlos when Agent E, a security agent eagle, entered his lair.

Perry saluted him.

"Stay seated, agent. This shouldn't take TOO long." Agent E slammed a pile of papers down on Perry's desk.

Perry looked at the pile. "That's a lovely former tree you have there, Ernest."

"RESPECT, agent. Do you want me to report you to the major?"

Perry shook his head.

"Excuse me?"

"No. No sir."

Agent E separated the pile into two piles. "ONE of these piles of paper is asking for payment for damages. The other pile is questioning child neglect."

"Must be hard to be you." Perry shook his head.

"These aren't MINE, agent. They're yours."

"They're the wrong color. Take them back for store credit."

"Since you insist on joking about this, it will take longer." Agent E tossed one of the piles into Perry's lap. "Apparently one of your offspring got ahold of a spray-paint can and defaced the back wall of the O.W.C.A. Since the child's mother is not up to agent status yet, you are being held responsible."

"Wonderful." Perry muttered.

"WHICH explains this next pile. Trained baby animals are usually very good at following direction, unless they are suffering from abuse or neglect."

"Pal's not neglected. His mom takes great care of him."

"He's neglected by his father." Agent E said. "A father who is sometimes in the picture, and sometimes not in the picture. A baby needs stability in its life. A routine. You are either there, or not there at all. Do you understand?"

Perry shrugged. "I already know all of this. I'll pay for the damages again."

Agent E sighed. "You aren't listening. You need to decide if you are willing to help care for your offspring or not."

"I will when I can."

Agent E stared him in the eye. "Not when you can. You either do, or you don't. It's either the father and the mother, or just the mother. Do you understand?"

Perry thought for a moment. "Woah. You're saying I could actually be banned from seeing my own children?"

"It's for their health." Agent E said. "Exceptions will be holidays."

"Pal's been causing trouble for his whole life. It has nothing to do with me."

"You'd be surprised." Agent E said. "It's really disorienting to a baby animal to have my father- sorry, IT'S father- show up every so often and then go away."

"That's what happened to you?"

Agent E looked away.

"Well, we have hope, then. No one enforces the law better than you. Pal's had a hard start, but maybe one day he'll be a security agent like you." Perry grinned at him.

Agent E scowled. "Security agents have to be at least three feet tall."

"Never mind. Look, Ernest, I don't really want to choose. I have this huge thing going on right now, and my owners-" Perry quickly stopped himself.

Agent E turned back to him. "Your owners, you say?"  
"It's nothing."

Agent E straightened. Perry tried his best to look neutral. Security agents were trained to sense so many changes in the body. If Perry unconsciously looked to his right, Agent E might be able to learn his whole life story.

"Are you certain?"

"I'm certain, sir. Please. Just let me work this out."

Agent E nodded. He started toward the door. "Good luck, agent. I hope you will make the right decision."


	4. Chapter 4

"You look tired."

"I was flipping through a whole pile of papers last night." Perry yawned.

"We found this on our window last night. It really creeped us out." Phineas handed Perry a note.

It said "I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP" on it.

"It's probably just from Irving." Perry said drowsily. "I wouldn't worry about it."

"Irving doesn't send us notes. Besides, he's known where we sleep ever since we were eight."

"Three!" A muffled Irving voice called.

"Don't worry. Probably just some prank." Perry crumpled the note up and tossed it back to Phineas.

"Is everything okay?" Ferb asked.

Perry shrugged. "Just family issues."

"Are they coming to mob you with help again?"

"No."

"Okay."

They were silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry." Phineas said.

"About what?"

"About whatever's going on."

"Eh. I'll be fine. I just have to stop my kid from crashing cars and exploding ovens. I wish he was more creative and less destructive."

"There are some who long to create, and others who long to destroy." Ferb said.

"When you were a baby, you were kind of destructive." Phineas said.

"Not me." Perry shook his head.

"Wanna bet? You chewed up toys, magazines and Candace's shirts."

"I was teething."

"Then you got paint all over the walls and threw up on the rug a bunch of times."

"I was making art."

"You were so cute." Phineas said.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Because you were! You had the biggest brown eyes, and fluffy teal fur, and you'd fall over sometimes when you walked… and you walked SO FUNNY."  
Perry folded his arms. "Yeah, yeah. I was unstable. My species isn't exactly built for walking."

"SO. CUTE." Phineas gave him a hug. "And you weren't able to eat worms yet. I miss feeding you that bottled formula. It was a lot less disgusting."

"Worms are yummy." Perry said. "They're nice and smooth and juicy. And bugs are crunchy and…"  
"Stop it." Phineas said.

* * *

"He's Deeevooon! The wonderful, amazing Devoon! He's much older than seevveeennn!"

"Halt, halt." Devon climbed up onto the stage.

The three white cats that had been singing stopped.

"We cut that part, remember? I don't want the song… well, making it sound like I'm old."

The cats looked at each other.

"And sing with feeling! This is the opening song. I want to hear FEELING."

The cats tried again. "He's Deeevvoon! The wonderful, amazing Devon! So incredible, so fantastical, he's amazing and off-the-charts-astical!"

"Great, girls!" Devon climbed back down. "What do you think, Perry?"

"Off-the-charts-astical? Who's writing these songs? Someone who can't rhyme?"

"Darren the duck wrote them." Devon said defensively.

"Maybe you need to get him to tone the lyrics down a bit. Otherwise, the whole thing will seem too focused on…"

"On what?"

"Well, on you."

"It's called 'Devon, The Musical!' for a reason."

Perry shrugged. "Mkay then."

"OH DEVON!" Alan the alligator waltzed dramatically onto the stage. "OH DEVON, WHERE ART THOU DEVON?"

"I'm right here!" Ferdinand the frog hopped onto the stage.

Alan gave him a quizzical look. "You're not Devon."

"Yes I am!"

"No, you're Ferdinand."

"Hush, Al. Devon said I could play his part for the time being."

"You can't play as Devon! Only Devon can play as Devon!"

"Guys, quit fighting and go on to the next song." Devon said.

Alan started dancing. "Devon, how happy I am to meet you! You are amazing, fantastic, incredible-astic!"

Perry shook his head. "I don't think this musical is gonna work, Devon."

"Why not?"

"It's just… well, what's the plot?"

"Plot?"

"Yeah, like, what happens?"

"Um… a bunch of people sing about how great I am." Devon looked at the floor. "It… isn't much of a musical… is it?"

"Maybe if you changed it a bit. Like, you could be a cowboy named Devon who has to rescue…"

"That's it!" Devon shouted. "Perry, you're a genius! Halt, guys! We have to do some rewrites!"

* * *

"Perry! Help!"

Perry jolted awake and sat up in his pet bed. "What's wrong?"

"Ferb's dead." Phineas sadly kicked Ferb, who was laying on the floor.

"Ow! I'm not dead! I'm trying to sleep!"

"He's dead!" Phineas moaned.

"Phineas, stop kicking him."

"But he's dead!"

"What on earth is wrong with you?"

"Stop kicking me!" Ferb sat up.

"Oh. Never mind." Phineas said.

"Are you feeling sick?" Perry asked Phineas.

Phineas shook his head. "Not really."  
"Then you're just joking around with Ferb, right?"

Phineas shrugged.

"I'm going to go lay down on the couch." Ferb muttered. He left the room.

Phineas sat down on the bed. "I had a weird dream last night. First a pony was taking me to Magical Island. Then…"  
"Dreams don't mean anything, usually." Perry said. "Sometimes they do. But sometimes they're just junk."  
"Then it changed to our house. It was crushed under a giant clown foot. And Ferb was…" Phineas swallowed. "Anyway. That's when I woke up."

Perry didn't say anything.

"It freaked me out."

"I'm fighting a clown-related battle." Perry finally said. "It's sort of big. Some guy is going to buy Danville and turn it into a huge Carlos the caring clown theme park. Houses, buildings, stores, everything. They'll all be gone if I can't figure out how to stop it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to scare you."

"Ferb and I can help you."

"Phineas, no."

"Why not? We helped you in that huge battle with the robots. And again with the rogues."

"Phineas, in that last tiff with Dennis, I barely got you home alive. And Ferb was stuck chasing Dennis down for a whole night."

"That was ONE TIME, Perry."

"No."

Phineas pouted. "I know you feel like you have to take care of me. But remember, I took care of YOU ever since we adopted you."

Perry gave a slight smile. "So we'll look after each other, then. But don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Same here." Phineas retorted.

Perry sighed. "Fine. But devise some way to protect yourself."

Phineas's eyes lit up. "I could create an armored suit."

"Sounds good. Make it super strong, okay?"

"Sure. Are we going into some huge Carlos war or something?"

"I have no idea. I don't know what Jumpy- he's Carlos's creator- is going to try next. But I believe it will have to be something big, if he's planning on destroying something so big."

"Is he capable of making something big?"

"I have no idea. However, you should never underestimate your enemy."

* * *

"Where are we going?"

"Camping. I already told you."

"Why?"

"Because we need to spend some time together." Perry tried to ignore the wailing twins in the backseat as he drove.

Pamela was harmonizing with them, singing some song about unicorns. And Pal would not stop talking.

"Why do we need to spend time together?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because!"

Palmer folded his arms and stared out the front.

"I just needed a chance to talk to you." Perry said. "You DID remember to tell your mother we were going on this trip, right."

"Yep. I told her last night."

Perry parked the rented van by a big tent. "All right, everyone out."

Pamela jumped down from the backseat and pulled open the van door.

"Stay within at least three feet of the tent!" Perry added, noticing Palmer was about to dash off into the wilderness. He turned to the twins. "Which one of you is Paisley and which one is Peppily?"

The twins pointed at each other.

"Thank you for clearing things up." Perry muttered. He turned off the van and jumped out.

* * *

After a few hours, Pamela and the twins had fallen asleep. Palmer was staring at a mini marshmallow he had thrown into their campfire. It was slowly expanding to jumbo size.

"Pal, you've been getting into a lot of trouble lately." Perry said.

Palmer shrugged.

"You might not really care, but you see… I'm being blamed for it."

"Blah blah blah. You've told me this a hundred million times." Palmer blew on the fire, watching the sparks pop in the air.

"Look, I may not be allowed to see you again, save for holidays, if it keeps up."

Palmer stopped blowing. "What?"

"It's just plain impossible to look after you full-time. I have too many things going on. I can't…" Perry sighed. "I love you, Pal. I love Pamela… and I've only known those two for a few seconds, but I love them already."

Palmer raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's crazy. It's a parental thing. I can't help it. But the point is, I don't want to lose all of you. I'm begging you. I'm sorry if you feel neglected. But acting like an idiot isn't going to bring me to you."

"You flatter yourself." Palmer laughed. "I don't act bad because I miss you, I act bad because it's fun!"

"It's fun getting in trouble all the time?"

"Cut me some slack. I'm only a baby."  
"I forget that sometimes." Perry said.

Palmer smiled. He poked at the former mini marshmallow with a stick.


	5. Chapter 5

Perry purred contentedly. He was sitting in Phineas's lap, and Phineas was brushing out his fur.

"Look at this." Phineas held the brush out to Ferb. It had a huge ball of platypus hair in it. "Look at all that fur. And look how filthy it is! Perry, when was the last time you had a bath?"

Perry thought back. "Mm… we had this huge paint fight on Halloween. I believe that was the last time I had a bath."

"Perry, that was MONTHS ago! DECEMBER has already come and gone! No wonder you smell!"

"That's a kind thing to say. Keep brushing. It feels good."

"We should get you to the groomers again."

"I don't like that place. They always send me home with a cute little bandana. It's very undignified."

"But you look so cute in the cute little bandana." Ferb said.

"Remember the one that had baby teddy bears on it?" Phineas said. "I still have that one in a box in my room. I put it there after Perry chewed it off."

"Whatever happened to the one that had the rainbows and smiling suns on it?" Ferb asked.

"Perry tried to bury that one in the backyard, but I rescued it and washed it off. It's in the box too."

"I think I still have a photo of him wearing one of those groomer bandanas." Ferb said.

Perry growled.

"Really? Which one?" Phineas asked.

"The one with the sparkling unicorns!"

Perry covered his face with his tail. "The horror… the horror…"

"Or we could just give you a bath in the bathtub." Phineas said. "It won't be as thorough as the groomer, but…"

"That's perfect. You two give me a bath."

"Promise you won't shake water on us again?"

"It's a reflex. I can't promise you anything."

The ground shook. Perry and the boys turned to look outside of the window.

"What's that?" Phineas asked.

"Looks like a giant clown foot." Ferb said.

Phineas turned pale.

The clown foot lifted and stomped out of the backyard.

Perry jumped down from Phineas's lap and zipped through the screen door. He ran after the clown.

He jumped on the giant clown as soon as it was in range and climbed.

"Hello there!" The clown's voice boomed from above. "Thought you could foil me, didn't you?"

"What IS this, Jumpy?" Perry shouted.

"I'm sorry, Duckling. I can't hear you all the way down there. Not that I ever spoke your language, anyway. Do you like Giant Carlos? He's my latest invention. I'm going to use him to promote Carlosland. And in a moment, I'll use him to rid myself of you."

"Crazy people don't prevail!" Perry snapped.

He faintly heard Phineas and Ferb calling for him. He looked back.

The two boys were chasing Giant Carlos. Ferb had almost caught up. Phineas was a few feet behind him, and was obviously wearing out.

"Aww. Looks like some little friends have come to assist you." Jumpy said. "Too bad they're no match for my Carlos."

"Go home!" Perry told Ferb.

Ferb jumped and grabbed onto Perry's leg. Perry flinched from the pain, but he continued to hold on.

"Let go!" Phineas was getting closer. "You could get hurt!"

"This is my battle, you two! Quit getting in the way!"

"We don't want you to get hurt!"

"Then tell Ferb to let go of my leg!"

Ferb shook his head.

Phineas grabbed Ferb and tugged on him. Perry lost his grip. The three of them tumbled onto the sidewalk.

The clown walked away, Jumpy's maniacal laughter bursting from its mouth.

"What did you think you were doing?" Perry demanded. "That may have been the only chance I had to defeat Jumpy!"

"You can't fight a giant clown alone." Phineas said. "We were just trying to help you."  
"Helping me would be letting me do my thing."

"We were helping you SURVIVE."  
"Look. I may look really weak and tiny, but I'm not. I've been trained to fight ever since I was a month old. If you want to help me, then help fight. Don't just pull me out of battle."

"Maybe this is beyond you." Phineas said. "You say Jumpy's trying to take over Danville. So tell the guy in charge and let HIM take care of it-" Phineas suddenly stopped and pointed off into the distance. "Who's she?"

Perry looked at where he was pointing. A woman with short dark hair was glaring at them. She had a rather pointy and crooked nose.

"I dunno. I've never seen Birdbeak before."

"Then why is she staring at us?"  
"Your guess is as good as mine."

Ferb gave a little wave to Birdbeak. She turned away from him in disgust.

"Maybe she's not really staring at us." Ferb said. "Maybe she's staring into space, thinking about how bad rotting cheese smells."

Perry stood up and brushed himself off. "Come on, you two. Let's get back home."

* * *

Jumpy parked his giant Carlos next to his hotel balcony before he got out. He was grinning. He sure had shown that duck-thing who was boss. Of course, he did kind of owe some of that to those two kids who pulled the duck off of Carlos in the first place. Maybe he would give them a coupon for Carlosland or something.

He walked into the lobby of the hotel. Someone grabbed him on the shoulder.

Jumpy whirled around. His sister Anna was staring him down.

"I have an idea for your next move." She said.

"I don't need another move. Duckling was scared off. He's probably in the clutches of those two kids by now."

Anna rolled her eyes. "You seriously think they're his enemies? Jumpy, I keep telling you! When the battle's over, don't just walk away! You have to look at the aftermath. I was watching them after you stormed off. The kids were talking to him. Like they could understand his little noises or something. They claimed to be trying to help him. I believe that the three of them are kind of… close."

"Close?" Jumpy wrinkled his nose. "Oh. I guess I'll just hang onto those coupons then."

"What?"

"Nothing. So, how does all of this information help me?"  
Anna scowled, even though it didn't change her expression very much. "Ever heard of the saying 'I'll come at you through what means the most to you'?"

* * *

"I don't believe this! You're actually REFUSING to do anything?"

Roger Doofenshmirtz shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I have never seen a giant toy clown march through Danville."

"That doesn't mean there isn't one!" Perry snapped.

"Aren't you my brother's little friend?"

"Nemesis. Look, I hate talking to people. I would much prefer if you could understand my chattering. But I drove all the way here and stuck this stupid translatorinator in my mouth to warn you about a HUGE danger, and you're not even going to do anything!"

"I have many other important things to consider." Roger said, holding up a flyer. "Take this, for instance. The Danville parade is only a month away, and we still have no floats! No floats! No floats, no parade."

"Giant clown crushing Danville, no parade."

"I'm sorry." Roger said. "But if there IS a clown, getting rid of him would be very expensive. And we need that money for parade floats and more statues."

"You've got enough statues! You have so many, I can't even walk to the store without seeing your face! Danville is in danger, and as mayor, you HAVE to help!"

Roger smiled. "Once again, I am sorry. But I'm afraid I can't do anything. Would you like a mint?"

"I hate mint." Perry tore the translator out of his mouth and stuffed it in his pocket. As he left, he made sure to slam the door hard enough to cause the mints on Roger's desk to fall onto the floor.

* * *

"Carlosland, Carlosland! A magical land of caring and sharing!" Sang the television.

"Turn that stupid thing off." Perry moaned. "It's giving me a headache."

"I like the song." Devon said. "I'm thinking about using it in my musical."

"Carlos is going to KILL Danville, Devon!"

Devon shook his head. "JUMPY is going to kill Danville. It's not Carlos's fault. Carlos only cares and shares with everyone."

"That's wonderful." Perry pulled his fedora down lower on his head to cover his ears. "I am incredibly thrilled that Carlos shares."

Pinky the Chihuahua changed the channel to a fast-food commercial. "Why are you at the agency today? It's your day off."

"Linda tossed me out of the house for throwing up on the cookbook she borrowed from Charlene. I was going to just sit in the backyard, but our neighbors started throwing corn dogs out there again."

"The Weavers are crazy." Pinky said. "Vivian, my host mom, once went there to borrow a cup of flour, and they gave her a vase full of weeds."

"They grow weeds in their garden." Perry said. "And they grow thorns, too. I got up-close and personal with those evil things."

Perry's phone buzzed.

"Hang on guys. I have a text from Phineas." He opened it up.

Phineas had sent him two pictures. One was of Ferb holding up a paper that said 257 on it. The other was a picture of some view from a balcony.

Pinky looked over his shoulder. "Huh. Are they playing Text Charades with you or something?"  
Perry shook his head. "No idea. It's weird. Phineas's pictures usually make sense. And where's that view from?"

"Maybe they built something with 257 floors." Devon said. "And maybe that other picture is the view from it."

"That's more like a second-floor view." Perry said. "Besides, they would have built it in the backyard. And I'm pretty sure that's not the backyard. Oh, he sent me another one."

This text said WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

"That's weirder." Devon said. "Maybe Phineas has gone crazy."

"What time is it?" Perry asked nervously.

Pinky looked at his watch. "One in the afternoon. Why?"  
Perry took a deep breath. "The boys and I made up this code for if they're ever in trouble and aren't able to tell me that they need help. The code is 'What's for…' and then you put in breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever."

"So what does breakfast mean?" Devon asked.

"If Phineas had sent me that text at nine or whatever, I'd know he was fine. But if he says 'What's for breakfast' any time after twelve, I know he's in trouble. That's how the code works. He sends me a meal name at the wrong time. Trouble."

"Maybe he meant brunch." Devon said.

Perry glared at him.

"Sorry. I guess that isn't helping."

"Second-floor view, 257… they're trying to tell me where they are." Perry texted back PANCAKES. "That's so they know I'm coming… but where am I going?"

Pinky studied the pictures. "That looks like the view from the Opal Hotel. I stayed there once with Vivian and Isabella. Maybe 257 is a room number."

"Genius!" Perry gave Pinky a huge hug. Then he ran out of the room.

* * *

Perry climbed over the railing of the balcony, glowering at the giant Carlos that stood next to it. He banged on the sliding glass window of room 257.

He was fuming. Jumpy would pay. This was more than just a clown theme park destroying Danville. Now it was personal.

The curtain that was behind the glass door was pushed back, and Phineas shoved the door open.

Perry jumped on him and gave him a hug.

Phineas hugged him back. "I knew you'd figure it out."


	6. Chapter 6

Ferb was sitting in front of the hotel room's TV, watching some show about a cow and a fish.

"We were so bored." Phineas said. "We were going to talk or draw up some plans or something, but it gave Birdbeak a headache. So she told us to watch TV."

"Birdbeak? That lady we saw the other day?"

Phineas nodded.  
Birdbeak came into the room. "Would you keep it DOWN?"

Perry ran at her, but Birdbeak dodged his attack. Perry slammed into Jumpy instead, which was actually kind of nice.

Jumpy choked a little from the impact. "Duckling… came quickly, didn't he?"

"He did." Birdbeak pursed her lips. "Now, can you give him the deal so we can get these rotten kids out of here?"

Jumpy cleared his throat. "Right away, Anna. Duckling, I agree to let you have your friends back if you agree to no longer hinder me in my Carlos project."

Perry stared at him.

Birdbeak left the room, which was fine by Perry. That woman creeped him out.

"Just nod your head if you accept."

Perry was very conflicted. He didn't dare leave boys here. But Danville would be destroyed if he refused to do anything.

"What was that kid's name again… Phineas!" Birdbeak called. "Why is there some gadget on the table?"

Phineas ignored her. He was looking at Perry. He didn't look scared, but he didn't look very happy, either.

"Phineas! Get this stupid gadget off of the table right now!"

"She has hands. She can get the gadget off herself." Perry muttered.

"What?" Phineas still hadn't been listening to Birdbeak.

"Did he accept?" Jumpy asked. "Did he say yes?"

"PHINEAS! Do you have ears? Get the stupid THING off of the table!"

Phineas skipped into the next room.

That did it for Perry. He walked up to Jumpy and shook his hand.

"Excellent." Jumpy said. "We'll send you three on your way, then. Door's that way." He pointed at the main room.

Ferb followed Perry out of the bedroom. Phineas was pocketing a little game system while Birdbeak glared at him.

"So you accepted." She said rudely when she saw Perry. "That's nice."

Perry gave her a friendly smile, which he was certain annoyed her.

"You have ARMS. Let yourselves out." Birdbeak muttered.

They opened the door and walked out into the hall.

"You'd think she DIDN'T have arms or something." Perry said.

"You just agreed to let Jumpy go through with his plan." Phineas said. "Why?"

"You think I was going to leave you in there with crazy clown-loving Jumpy Jacobs and his nutjob bird-nosed sister who never heard of using her hands instead of her vocal chords? They were treating you like dirt!"

Ferb looked away.

"I wish he hadn't gotten ahold of us." Phineas said. "Now you've basically promised him the whole tri-state area."

"Thank you for not leaving us with the crazy lady." Ferb said quietly.

Perry tipped his hat. "I never would. You mean more than the world to me."

They went down a flight of stairs and left the hotel.

* * *

"And now I can't fight him. I promised. What am I supposed to do now?"

"We can drop an anvil on his head." Larry said. "That way, he'd completely forget about his whole plan. And your agreement. And possibly his name and occupation."

Perry sighed. "That would count as hindering the Carlos project."

"Quit using such big words, bub. I don't speak genius." Larry pulled out a pocket dictionary. "Hinder, hinder… ah. So basically you have promised not to DELAY his Carlos project. You haven't promised not to STOP it."

"…True."

"Besides, you aren't the only fighter here. Have you forgotten me? And our pop? And my friends? And…"

Perry kind of smiled. "I guess you're right. We could still stop Jumpy."

"Could? We CAN, little brother! We're unstoppable. Like nitro platypi. Super platypuses. Epic platypeople. When enough of us come together, we are invincible! I'm sure platypuses aren't the only creatures in Danville who hate Carlos. We could get some humans together and…"

Perry suddenly got an idea. "You're right! I know someone who hates Carlos almost as much as I do!"

"Vance Ward?" Asked Larry. "He's handsome. Such an awesome movie actor. Did you see his latest movie, 'Vance in Fancy Pants'? He turned down Kendrine Adems, though. Poor guy, could've had an amazing girlfriend."

"No, Doofenshmirtz! He can't stand that clown. I'm sure he'd love to help me destroy Carlosland!"

"An alliance with the 'Shmirtz?" Larry cocked his head. "Well, desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Exactly. I'll call him now." Perry whipped out his phone and dialed his enemy's number.

"Hello?" Doofenshmirtz said.

"Giant Carlos theme park. Wanna help me wipe it out? There's also a huge Carlos on the loose-"

"Perry the platypus? You know I can't understand a word you're saying. You sound like this." Doofenshmirtz began a series of snorts and attempted chatters that was loosely translated to Perry as "The monkey is apple for sniffled pants, geode".

Perry sighed.

"Look, I can't try and talk to you right now. There's this huge Carlos the caring clown outside of my window and I want to build an inator to get rid of it." Doofenshmirtz hung up.

"Well, that KIND of worked." Perry said. "Apparently Giant Carlos is downtown."

"Jumpy's on the move." Larry said, pulling out a tracking device. "He's heading for Danville Capitol."

"He put a tracking device in his giant Carlos?"

"No, I did. Slipped it in the clown's pants."

"Okay then. Shall we call for backup?"

* * *

Within an hour, the Carlos Destruction team had gathered at the front of Danville Park.

Perry's whole family was there, including a few platypuses that he didn't even know. Palmer had somehow found out, and had convinced his mother and siblings to join in the fight. Poppy's father Grandpa Pepper was there, and he was busy telling a lamppost about the time he ate a marshmallow. Phineas and Ferb were standing near Perry. Doofenshmirtz wasn't too far from the three of them, holding his latest inator.

"Thanks to all of you for coming all this way to destroy Carlos." Perry said. "And, by extension, save our town."

"Jerome, old boy!" Grandpa Pepper came up from behind Perry and patted him on the back. "Did I ever tell you about the time I ate a marshmallow?"

"Yes. Yes you have."

"You're looking well. Aren't you my brother's twin Tim?"  
"No. No I'm not."

Grandpa Pepper promptly fell asleep.

"I guess that conversation's over." His sister Penny said.

Perry shrugged. He turned to face the gathered platypuses and people. "We have gathered here today to destroy a nuisance that goes by the name of Carlos."

A few of the platypuses growled. Doofenshmirtz called out that he couldn't understand what Perry was saying.

"But this clown also has another name: Jumpy Jacobs. This idiot is trying to destroy our homes just so he can recreate the tri-state area into his own clownish image."

"No clowns!" Yelled Pablo. "Clowns must be nommed!"

"We fight together, on this day, because…" Perry's phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket. "Hang on, this could be important."

The platypi groaned.

Perry answered the call. "Yep?"

"Perry, where are you? The musical is about to start!" Devon said.

"Uh… I'm kind of saving Danville right now."

"Can it wait? Okay, fine. You don't have to come on until the end, anyway. In the very end, we're all standing in a pyramid and I have a pineapple on my head. That's when you say 'The End'."

"Gotcha, and sorry in advance if I don't show up in time." Perry hung up. "Now. Let's get out there and show that caring clown EXACTLY what we think of him!"

"YEAH!"

Perry turned, and his small army followed him to Danville Capitol.

* * *

Maybe they should have had a battle strategy.

Perry was clinging onto one of Carlos's shirt buttons. Phineas and Ferb were climbing up Carlos's sleeve.

A whole pile of people from the streets had joined in the battle as well, and many were hanging on as tightly as they could.

"You'd think a whole bucketload of people grabbing onto your giant robotic clown would be the universal sign for 'Cut it out'." Penny said, digging her claws into Carlos's shirt. "What's our plan again?"

"Scratch him? Bite him? Punch him? You decide." Perry responded.

Penny grinned. She grabbed a raygun from her pocket and blasted a hole in the clown's middle. Then she began to climb higher.

Perry made a mental note not to accidentally anger his sister. He tugged on the shirt button and sprang upward.

He managed to grab Carlos's nose. He climbed onto it and looked into Carlos's eye.

Jumpy was sitting in the eye cockpit. He frowned when he saw Perry.

"I thought we had an agreement, Duckling." He said. "I give you your friends, you give me my space!"

Perry punched through the glass that made up the eye and leapt on Jumpy. They rolled around on the floor, kicking each other.

The giant clown was out of control. Now that Jumpy wasn't driving, Carlos seemed to have his own ideas of where to go. He stormed toward Carlosland, formerly Danville Park.

"Perry! Look what Doofenshmirtz gave us!"

Perry looked up from his fight. Phineas was holding a tiny little raygun. It said Carlosawayinator on it.

Jumpy punched Perry. He landed against the wall of Carlos's head.

Carlos was rampaging through Carlosland, stomping on all of the rides and stores. Jumpy didn't seem to care.

He stood over Perry and held up a sharp object that was probably banned in four countries. "You… are… SO… dead!"

"Leave him alone!" Phineas shouted. He fired the raygun, and it hit Jumpy in the head.

Jumpy fell. His weapon flew from his hand and landed on the control panel.

"Thank you for pressing the collapse button. Please make sure you have airbags installed." Said a mechanical voice.

"This isn't good." Perry gulped.

They all began to slide to the left. Carlos was falling over. Perry was pretty sure that any building underneath them at the moment would be history.

There was a crash as Carlos finally toppled. And then there was silence. Smoke floated lazily around the giant clown.

Perry crawled out from the eye. Carlos had crushed half of a small building, and was actually lying on a stage.

Hundreds of creatures were looking at them. Carlos had fallen behind a pyramid made out of animals. Devon was at the top, wearing a pineapple on his head.

"The end." Perry said.

The audience cheered. Devon jumped down from the pyramid and took a bow.

"Dude, you made it!" He said to Perry. "Awesome entrance, by the way. For a second I thought the world was ending."


	7. Chapter 7

Perry watched happily as the Danville police put handcuffs on a slightly delusional Jumpy Jacobs.

"I almost won… I almost won…" Jumpy babbled.

"Three huge battles, and we won them all." Perry said.

"Three?" Asked Phineas.

"One was when we destroyed Giant Carlos, the second was the destruction of Carlosland, and the third was the destruction of him." Perry pointed at Jumpy.

Roger Doofenshmirtz walked onstage, standing in front of the toppled Carlos. "To ensure an incident such as this doesn't happen again, I, the mayor, shall take over Carlos Incorporated. The Carlos the caring clown toys will continue to be sold, and everything will be back to normal!"

"Yaaayyy!" Cheered the animal audience, obviously thinking the whole thing was still a part of "Devon: The Musical".

"Great." Perry muttered. "All that battling just to go back to normal."

"I think that's the way I like things." Ferb said.

Phineas kicked him. Perry thought perhaps he was checking to see if Ferb was still alive.

"And I would also like to make a public apology to… this platypus." Roger said. "I am sorry that I denied him help when he truly needed it."

The audience cheered again.

"I would like to give him this reward for having saved Danville from destruction." Roger placed something into Perry's hand.

Perry stared at him. "Thanks for the mint… I guess."


End file.
